Two things re: Lakers struck me after the Finals this year:
1) They need some backup in the post.
2) They need some firepower off the bench.
Remedies: The Lakers need a backup post player who can clog the middle, play strong post D, and rebound. You'd imagine that Josh Powell, or DJ Mbenga would be able to do this- but that's not the case.
Powell doesn't have that one defining edge: not strong or tall enough. Not fericious enough. Not a leaper. Can't really shoot. A nice body for practice.
Mbenga, is all elbows and knees, and fouls. He can drape himself all over his opponent, but his overdeveloped upper torso seems to weigh down the crab legs below, and he always seems out of place, out of position, ready to swing completely out of balance, with only his size 17 feet to scrabble about fruitlessly for leverage. He'd make a great baseball bat, just grab him by the legs, and let the barrel of his chest slam the fastball out into left field, (just like this metaphor) but he sucks as a basketball player.
And weirdly, for a huge guy- Mbenga isn't even a space eater. He's thin, and even when boxing out, seems to get only a small piece of the "canopy"- (I can't think of a better term- but how do you describe the space around the basket where rebounds are to be gathered? Going furthur, if Mbenga were a tree in the Amazon jungle, he'd be a skinny "pecker pole" that shoots up straight and narrow, gathering only a small bit of the sun.
(By the way, the term "pecker pole" was used by my buddy, a prominent ecological designer, to describe the thin, shallow rooted second generation trees planted by lumber companies to replenish a clear cut. He used the term angrily, "Look at all those fucking pecker poles!" and I say this to let you all know I didn't coin the term all by my lonesome.)
Back to the point- what do the Lakers need?
When Bynum was wounded, and draining fluid from beneath his patella, and the Lakers were getting beaten up underneath in Game 5, I asked myself why they were continuing to play Gasol- clearly exhausted, and out of ideas, and not let him rest for a bit, get some clarity and come back in with energy and a game plan?
Answer: Because every one else they had was a complete liability. Powell, and Mbenga already discussed- what's next? Morrison? Walton? What ever happened to Mike Smrek?
The Lakers needed, at that moment, a space eater who can alter the post area and lower key just by being there. Some King of Bulk, a lot like Kendrick Perkins, who showed his value once he was gone and the Celts got pummeled inside in 6 and 7.
And I'm the kind of guy who hates to complain without bringing the solution. So...
The Solution.
Dexter Pittman, Texas.
Likely available in the second round.
This guy is huge- like an Oliver Miller, and like Miller, has all the same limitations. Not fast, laterally challenged. But strong like bull, with a soft finishing touch, and can potentially devastate a small point guard darting into the lane. And the guy can fucking box you out!
Imagine Westbrook slamming against this wall while Gasol rests and Bynum recovers from his latest knee injury. Imagine Garnett trying to elbow his way past Strong Like Bulk.
Remember those massive supervillians who nothing could hurt due to their resiliant density? Even a Superman uppercut would merely send tremors rolling through their torsos?
Or have you seen a Brazilian porno, where the cam suddenly slo mo's on the largest bunda you've ever seen, quivering like a bowl of jelly, something evolutionally prepared to take a pounding?
That's Pittman.
And Pittman can be a force of nature- let me drum up a better metaphor- a voracious black hole- like DeJuan Blair, on the rebounding front. For ten violent minutes a game before he collpases into a puddle of high cholesterol persipration.
But how much would Laker's fans liked to have seen this guy- an option- as opposed to the other non-options, on their bench in Game 5?
All that for only the minimum NBA salary...
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