computing parenting dilemmas

A week ago,  we got junior's report card. These inescapable judgements were later followed by a series of fiften minute conversations with each of Junior's teachers.

Now, jr. goes to a prestigious private school, so when I showed up with his mom to the first teacher conference, I thanked the teacher for her time, and she smiled, threw up her hands and responded, "That's why you pay the big bucks!" laughing..

By the time we had come to the last of 6 meetings, it was pretty apparent that our kid ..check this out..In two classes, he was noteworthy for getting up out of his chair and wandering the class during lectures. In others, he was a standout for not even reading the directions on his test, and being the first to finish, so he could...

I actually have no idea what he's doing instead.

I only have his study habits at home to make conjectural thesis statements.

A quick knock on the locked door- (don't lock your door, kid- why not?)
a quick takeover of the computer before its history can be erased, - (I'm doing my homework, DAD!)

shows that there has been recent surfing into fantasy-

fantasy football and basketball
manga

some social networking-
facebook (i'm trying to get assignemnts from people on-line, DAD!)

and the expensive private school portal.

I don't like having to police a 13 year old, when the imagination is ripe for conspiracy and oppression. But its a dad's job, so I do it.

"So, no internet until you have your homework done," I say for the nth time.

"And don't lock your door." I say as I walk out.

I wonder how much this is the typical inter-generational discussion that takes place whenever children are born.

"That damn technology isn't helping you none sonny."

I update my comments this way,"That fantasy shit is going to confuse you kid. You spend more time pretending to be outdoors and running around then you do in real life. In fact, go ride your bike."

Ironically people tell me this behavior is helping him to relate to his peers.  Like, what? They can kill each other from the safety of their bed rooms. And in the near future, they can sext?

I continue, "Maybe one day you can do all this as a brain sitting in a plastic vat somewhere. Wouldn't that be cool? You can do the same things as a 95 year old man that you are right now...That's cool too."

This of course, doesn't bring us any closer, though it does make me closer and closer to sending him off to Wilderness Leadership Camp for 2 months for a massive re-programming, a harsh encounter with nature, to learn how many layers suffocate that striving physical body propelled by a prepared mind and a seething spirit.

It's amazing to see how grabbed my kid is by this artificial, technological universe. And of course, he's not the only one, he's probably typical, at least on this side of the digital divide. (What, is outdoor recreation now an activity for those living below the poverty line?) 

I've even been warmed by a few, that  I were to pull all the plugs, that he might indeed have very little, or should I say, even less, in common with the other kids living above the poverty line. Because you know what- kids just don't play together the way they used to- at least here in LA.

But do I begin to bang the doomsday gong? Or, do I ride the zeitgeist-  because this mesmerizing tech is only going to grow more and more enveloping, more and more interesting than the bleak economic world we've created. The growth of fantasy, or the underlying need for fantasy, might just be shelter from the alienating, anomic,  world we are bringing them into.

To cap, I recently read a NYT article, which showcased a Bay Area kid, who is preparing a future for himself in film making, at the expense of his academic career. He can film, edit, and manipulate media in a way that was unheard of 30 yars ago. In fact, most kids can these days. Not my kid though, who really doesn't control his technology as much as he lets it control him- at least in my opinion. I mean, he's not producing videos, or songs, or publishing blogs, or any of the traditional things one produces with these "tools."

Check out the article.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/21/technology/21brain.html?pagewanted=1&ref=general&src=me

Such technology has not only shaped our lives, but the world's. For instance, last week, there were 50,000 kids in Warsaw going to Reggae concerts, when only 25 years ago, Iron Maiden was illegal in Poland (and all of the Soviet block).

Back to the point: my kid is showing signs of being controlled by his tech use, and not getting the benefits.
Short attention span, lives in a fantasy world, is angered when prodded into the "real world" - basically, any time responsibility to others is required (family, school, classroom, etc), and is not using the tools to empower himself, as is always touted...i.e.- become a producer of information, entertainment, whatever.

So where to go?

Back to the basics.
This kid needs to be active.
This kid needs to understand himself as a creation of nature.
He needs to know more species of flora and fauna than pokemon.
He needs to know how to make more things than he does how to kill another human (I'd guess he, and the rest of his Black Ops playing peers, knows more about guns, military tech, and martial art killing methods than any other generation in history.)

So now, after painting a bleak picture of the tech consumables which have become the equivelant of addictions (call them stimulants, and the metaphor works), my kid also does do sit ups, push ups, squats, and balancing excercises. He does play basketball every day at school, and with an outside team. He does go on hikes with me, at least twice a month. So, he doesn't want to "evolve" into a brain in a vat, and he's not yet sexting, though one of his friends is- age 14...yeah..

More to come.